hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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