I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
