You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
