You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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