I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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