Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got inside last night via doggy door
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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