It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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