Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
