I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
