So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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