it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
