Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
