Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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