I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
