college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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