oh god the rape fog is back!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
