he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
