so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
