Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
