My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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