I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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