I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
