I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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