Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
