someone threw a dead crab at me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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