He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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