you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
