you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
