I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
