you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
