She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
