yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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