Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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