First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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