Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
