Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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