you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
