South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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