i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
