i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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