btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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