im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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