Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
