So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
