They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am available for nakedness
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
