I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
jump out the window naked night went bad
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