we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
