My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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