Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
