But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
