haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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