I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
