life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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