guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
