It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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