Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She bit a glass in half.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
