When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So vagazzling was a success
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
