Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
