spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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