I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
