you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
